Friday Media Prep: Black Girl In A Big Dress

Do you have any hobbies that you feel certain no one will understand? For lots of us, it’s common for people to think you shouldn’t, or can’t, like something based on your background. I remember my parents teasing me for liking Coldplay and singing along to every song on Parachutes for hours on end. I used to lay up in our old tree house, singing “Yellow” over and over until the neighborhood dogs had enough with the bellowing and started barking. I think it’s fair to say most of us have prejudicial feelings about who can like what, where we’re supposed to fit in, and why some things just aren’t cool.

What I love about “Black Girl in a Big Dress” is the way it confronts those notions. Because Adrienne,the heroine of the web series, is African American people think it’s odd for her to be enamored with dressing up like a Victorian lady and trotting off to tea parties. However, she is dedicated to enjoying her passion and gives into her heart’s desire. The show is so refreshing and riot! By watching her escapades, I’ve begun to question my right to joy even if it might seem a little crazy to the outside world. After all, who are we to deny our own hearts? Below is the first episode. Let me know in the comments what you think of “Black Girl in a Big Dress” and what hobbies you have that might be surprising!

Lessons From Studio Ghibli: “Kiki’s Delivery Service”

When I was a little girl, old enough to have a say in what I wanted to rent from Blockbuster but young enough to be entranced by colorful VHS boxes, I fell in love with Studio Ghibli films. First, we watched Totoro, then came Nausicaa and Princess Mononoke . Each film transported my little brother and I to worlds just beyond the mist of our own. Through the journeys of each protagonist we discovered a bit about our own world and ourselves. In fact, the films created by Hayao Miyazaki and Isao Takahata are so insightful that I’ve often returned to them well into adulthood, trying to glean a bit more, or perhaps to revisit the clarity of my youth.

Today, I want to share a video about Kiki’s Delivery Service, a film I actually did not see until I was an adult. In the video, produced by ScreenPrism earlier this year, the plight of the titular heroine is assessed through the lens of the struggling Millenial creative – a description that rings true for me and many others. My brother shared the video with me when I was feeling discouraged about writing and debated giving it all up to do something more practical. Now, I wonder if there is anything more practical than following your heart.

You can watch the video below. What dreams will you be following?

Bessie Stringfield, Your New Patron Saint of Adventure

Each week we will feature the kind of everyday heroes you can look up to. They come from all walks of life, age groups and beliefs. We hope you’ll learn as much from them as we have!

August is the month of changes, of possibilities, endings and beginnings. Schoolwork looms nearer, pools are emptying, but the month also offers the potential for discoveries academic or otherwise. I have a love-hate relationship with August; as a curious (i.e. nosey) kid, I looked forward to being in school and being introduced to new concepts in the classroom. All my friends were at school, rather than scattered about on vacations or busy playing sports, and we could compare stories, sunburns, or how tall we’d gotten in the months away. However, August also symbolized the end of leisurely freedom – the late nights watching HBO and eating ice cream without my parents knowing were pulled to a jarring halt right around the middle of the month.

Still, what I remember most about August, about those weeks leading up to my return to normality, is watching my Dad prep for his classes. Most people think History teachers have it easy. The common belief is they simply tell every class the same thing over and over again. That’s true for most, but my Dad isn’t your average nerd. Each year he looked for unique ways to spark a little interest in his students. He read new books, watched new documentaries, and went off to conferences around the country. My brother and I always looked forward to what he would bring back from his travels to exotic places like Atlanta and Phoenix.

Bessie Stringfield, today’s person you should definitely know, reminds me so much of those days spent watching documentaries with my Dad, enraptured by the adventures and daring lives. Bessie was born in 1911 and by the time she died in 1993 she had earned the moniker “Motorcycle Queen of Miami” for her feats on the Harley-Davidsons she loved. Despite the restrictions of the times, Bessie got her first bike at the age of 16, then traveled the country alone. She slept on her ride when she was denied a room at hotels, rode in carnivals for money, then eventually made it through all of the states in addition to Europe. He skill was so formidable that she would become a motorcycle courier in WWII, tasked with transporting sensitive information.

She embellished many of the details of her life for the rapt audiences of her young relatives and the children she took care of after settling in Florida as a housekeeper, however the fact that she lived an extraordinary life remains unquestionable. She was posthumously inducted into the American Motorcyclist Association Hall of Fame in 2002, long after her death, but I doubt she needed the accolades to validate her bad-assery.

What I love about the story of Bessie Stringfield is her relentless pursuit of what made her happy. Against the protestations of her family, she traversed the segregated and misogynistic landscape of the United States in search of her own slice of that ever-elusive peace we experience in following our hearts. When I lie awake in this unfamiliar town, missing the comfort of a controllable environment, I try to imagine what Bessie might have felt right before she did a trick for an audience. I sit in awe of her grit and feel slightly gobsmacked that she had the audacity to be free.

If you need encouragement to follow where your soul wants to lead, if you need a push to re-discover your dreams, or just a reminder that it’s alright to be a little bit off, look no further than Bessie. August is the month of discovery, after all.

Who are you emulating today? Let me know in the comments whose stories you can’t get out of your head. As always, stay safe out there!

You can read Bessie’s obituary in the NYT here.

I love this art essay of her by Rejected Princesses, which you can read here.

Do These 10 Things Before Your Next Big Move To Avoid A Monster Meltdown

Yesterday I officially became a Californian. Leaving the midwest behind was that bittersweet mixture of anxiety, elation and hope for the future I used to experience right before taking a plunge into a new body of water. When you can’t see the bottom it’s easy to imagine monsters slithering about the sides, waiting to gobble you up. Instead, I would discover (after dipping my toes in five times) there was nothing so dangerous to fear that I couldn’t survive.

Few experiences can spark an anxiety attack like moving away from everyone you know to an unfamiliar place. Hell, even knowing the place and what to expect can still be frightening! Today I want to share with you the list that aided me in this crazy transition. I found that when I was looking for advice online most lists were missing the human aspect – how to take care of yourself mentally and how to curb the understandable stomach knots that form.

Transitions for survivors, or those with depression or anxiety, can be truly painful. As I learn more about the ways trauma re-shaped my mind, I’ve discovered an obsession with control and order. In response to having control stripped from me, I now itch for ways to box up that which could mess with my flow. The unknown world at large with all the possibilities for chaos just scared me silly!

Now, I’m on the path of confronting my fears. A huge part of my healing journey has been the pursuit of chill. Going with the flow. Trusting those who have earned my confidence to help me take care of myself. And now, diving into waters I’ve been dreaming of exploring. So, this list is what has helped me with the dive, beyond most of the practical stuff you might read on other sites. Whether you’re going across the country, or a state nextdoor, these things could make it much easier on your mind.

Please let me know in the comments what you do to prepare yourself for big changes!

1. Secure a place to live (Airbnb, apartment, house, friend’s couch)

I was able to go to bed sooooo much easier in Kansas with the knowledge we had a place to stay once we were in California. This takes time and money, but it’s worth it. You want to make sure you’ve secured a safe place to rest, where you can decompress after that trip. Finding housing after the fact is a freakout waiting to happen. If securing a rental isn’t doable from your current home, you can buy a little time by utilizing an extended stay hotel or Airbnb. Either way, try to get your stay squared away early.

2. Eat your favorite dish at your favorite restaurant

Letting go of the familiar is hard, but it’s made more difficult if you don’t give it a proper goodbye. Mark and I ate at our favorite restaurants before we left so that we could move forward without regrets. We had ramen at our favorite noodle spot, po’boys, thai and burgers in the week leading up to the move, because we didn’t want any kind of regret attached to something positive. For me, regret is like a fog that distorts the present. You can’t enjoy the view fully through the haze.

3. Make sure your license and passport aren’t about to expire

Practical and also stress reducing. You’ll have to update your license for your new residence, however if you’re traveling with a license or passport that is about to expire you will be dealing with an unnecessary headache. There are extra fees when it’s updated late that should be going towards rent and food. Make sure everything is up-to-date before you leave, to buy yourself more time to get it all switched over.

4. Try something you always talked about doing in your current home

Here’s where regret seeps in for me. There was a cute little bar Mark and I kept talking about trying out. We’ll go next weekend was the usual response when we drove by. By the time we were finally ready to go? Closed permanently! We both groaned. In this case there wasn’t much we could do, but I still wish we’d tried it before the owner moved to a bigger city.

Try things before you go – karaoke, a bookstore, a concert, a museum, any place you’ve been putting off. I think this is the best way to know for sure whether or not you were missing out on something. Letting go will be that much easier.

5. Say goodbye to the people you love

You gotta. I know it hurts and you don’t want to start with the water works, but don’t take off without giving your people time to process seeing you go. They need to be able to let you leave just as much you need to be able to move forward. We took our time seeing our families and friends, but it still didn’t feel like enough. I can’t imagine my mental state if we hadn’t made time for it at all.

6. Create an on-the-go self-care plan

This one is a lifesaver! I’ve said it before, but self-care is the most important thing you do for yourself. Everything on this list is self-care! Why wouldn’t I demand you continue the love fest on the road? Before we left, I rounded up some of my favorite “quick fixes”: a lavender bath soak for the hotels, rose water for my hair and face, a relaxing playlist for when I wasn’t driving, my favorite snacks (veggie straws), my favorite blanket, relaxing movies and lots of clean underwear. We were on the road for four days, but having things that eased my mind naturally eased tension in my body. All I ask is that you not skip out on doing what you need to be happy along the way. You deserve a good trip!

7. Identify medical professionals in your new area

This might be the most difficult step on the list. When you’re not in the area and don’t have anyone to ask for recommendations it can feel hopeless. However, if you sit down for a few hours and take your time you should be able to round up a few names. I usually use these search terms: “[town name] + therapists” to get started. Local hospitals can provide information about professionals associated with their system of searching isn’t planning out. This one can take time, so don’t feel obligated to get it done before you leave. Having it on your to-do list for when you arrive is good as well.

8. Think about what kinds of groups you would like to join

Yep, you’re gonna have to make some friends. The worst thing to do when you move is to isolate yourself. How are you going to learn what you like about the place without locals? Now, not everyone is safe -that’s a sad reality – so it’s ok to be picky. Before we left, I researched women’s groups in the area, yoga studios, political groups, book clubs and classes so that I had options to meet new people. I’ll go to each, try them out, then move forward with the ones that made me feel welcome, and, most importantly, safe.

9. Work out a realistic fail-safe

I promise I’m not including this to scare you or talk you out if this big change; on the contrary, I want you to go for it! Since I’ve been using the swimming analogy, think of it like this: you’re most likely not going to jump into a pool without knowing how to swim, but if you fall in there are lifeguards around to save you. My dad regularly had to jump into pools and the ocean to save my brother, because he didn’t understand his limitations. Life happens. We think we’ve got a hold of things, then sometimes we’re out of our depth. Mark and I agreed if this town doesn’t work out, we’ll stay long enough to save up and leave for the next town. If you have to move back home? It’s ok. Your safety and mental health are more important than what anyone else thinks. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

10. Breathe. Then breathe again.

You can do it. If I can do it, with all my flaws and anxiousness, you can, too. I think you’ve survived time and time again. There have been dark days, but then you made it through to the light. Pull strength from the truth that you can make it, then breathe over and over and over again until you arrive at your next adventure. If we’re going to be in this world, we’re going to live it well.

Good luck, my friends!

Your August 2018 Mood Board

I wake up in a cold sweat the first day of August. This happens every year, without fail. I jolt from my bed in a total state of terror that I’ve forgotten my homework or am running late for practice. I think spending all that time procrastinating, then rushing around, is to blame for my negative association. In reality I truly loved school – it was where all my friends were, where I could express my self and grow. So, after the dread falls away in the morning, I think of other kids (big and small) preparing themselves for the next step in life. I hope they are afforded the kinds of safe places I was, havens to be themselves.

Today’s mood board was created with the intention of evoking thoughts of education, growth, and the discoveries of life. I hope you enjoy it!

What’s motivating you this month? Have you had any homework dreams? Hit me in the comments!